Wednesday, 24 June 2015

you can't insure against crap ads

Insurance is a scam. Come on, we all know it is, it’s nothing more than a heartless business predicated on the fears of the individual to be able to look after himself and his family after a tragedy. Maybe that’s why when Adland steps in to build an image for and insurance company the results tend to be vague, or at least shaky.

The “short moments” campaign for Mutual & Federal I’ve covered before, it’s just a technique attached to a ridiculous idea to shoe-horn in the tenuous endline: “The long and short of it.” As convoluted as any insurance claims form:
The new Hollard “We get you” billboard campaign uses the old “ ordinary figure in the foreground throwing a shadow against a wall reflecting the character’s supposed inner personality. It’s an idea as old as the insurance game itself but is almost saved by the stylish art direction. Almost.

Outsurance are doing good in their latest commercials. If I’ve got it right their employees choose charities or socially uplifting programmes and the company dives in and helps out. I think. Anyway it’s an admirable way to get rid of some of those vast profits they make by not paying out when men with guns take your favourite TV and lap-top over the back wall in the dead of night. Actually the best advertisement for Outsurance are those road directional geezers who are constantly leaping out in front of speeding loonies to direct traffic around town.

Women, evidently, need their own type of insurance. The “First for women” campaign was created to offer them just that. As is too often the case my fellow sex are portrayed as sad losers, or something equally belly-achingly funny, anyway it’s another campaign where men prove how dim and pathetic they are, must be why we ruled the world for so long, “sigh.” Actually I’m a bit concerned the campaign is unconstitutional, is it legal to offer services to one group thereby excluding another? Are my rights being violated here?(could I use this to get a Canadian visa?). Anyway watch it and laugh patronisingly:
If you doubt men’s continued pre-eminence in the modern world then catch the Mercator Insurance campaign at:
The first ad has a woman trying to hang a picture using a power drill and hammer. Laugh? I almost started.

Of course insurance is the not the only scam in town, my own dear art director, tossing her new haircut vigorously and batting her shining eyes points out they are only shiny because of her new Garnier anti-eye-puffy stick thing which contains caffeine that wakes your eyes up. Call me old-fashioned but this tweaked my bull-shitometer into the red.
How much do you get per dose? Is it a full on eye popping double espresso, a languid cappuccino, or a frigid blast of frappachino? They have a little coffee bean demo to show how it would work if you can stay awake long enough to see the end of the ad.
People will believe anything nowadays,
Now that really is a tragedy.

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