so long, and thanks for all the badgers

It’s the beginning of the month, again. A time when events tend to come to a head in adland. True to form the door to my office bursts open and in strolls one of my young protégées swaggering like John Wayne heading for his horse. (Actually more like Nathan Lane doing his John Wayne in Birdcage; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfrhCvDLlCg&feature=related). With an air of defiance that can only mean one thing he tosses a letter on my desk and declares, “I’m outta here…”

Well, I don’t mind telling you I was shocked, not by his resignation, but by the letter itself. It was concise, made cogent arguments about why I was morally and intellectually dysfunctional, lightly touched on the legality of my parents’ marriage and was peppered with humorous and often poignant references to the agency’s management style.
All in all it was the finest piece of writing I’d read in a long time and by far the best thing the lad had ever pushed across my desk.

It was full of passion you see. Something it appears that young Bob had trouble translating into babies, beans and batteries ads. Passion, of course, has become one of those doomed buzz words so often beloved by the RaRa squads with their “quotes of the day” and inspirational bloody emails. Usually propagated by HR, PR or some evangelist you’ve never met from accounts, they pack the recycle bins of every computer in adland and beyond.
It’s all very well these desktop deliverers of drivel rambling on about pulling together, win, win situations and talking the talk but what of the guys and gals staring at the blank piece of paper confronted by a brief to sell over-priced cars to underpaid workers? It’s not just the passion that can go, it’s the will to live. Luckily the modern world has a response forr virtually everything, even crap jobs.
Artists Anne Elizabeth Moore and Steve Lambert, at Rogers Park cultural centre in Chicago, have founded the Anti-Advertising Agency Foundation for Freedom to counsel disgruntled ad people

Lambert says they want to help people find work that won’t compromise their ethics. “Most people in advertising have a line that they won’t cross or don’t like to cross and the agencies themselves don’t have that. They are there to sell whatever the companies want. And so there is always some sort of conflict and we want to give those people opportunities to work where they won’t have to make those kind of compromises to there values or be put in those positions.”

To do this they’ve created a competition to help push people who’ve been thinking about quitting to cut the cord. To win the award, which is currently about $700, you must provide proof you’ve quit, describe your sleaziest ad campaign, and write about the hopes and dreams you had for the world when you were five.

It may sound like a joke and they admit that they probably won’t see a mass exodus from adland. But Moore says they are reaching people. ”We started this crazy idea and we immediately got these sort of adoring letters from advertisers who are like “I’m so glad you guys are doing this. Oh my god, I’ve wanted to quit my job for so long.” And they are not necessarily committed to quit but that the emotional impetus is there for them to even write to us to me is just so telling.”
http://antiadvertisingagency.com/category/projects/foundation-for-freedom

Of course disillusionment with the daily bread earning is hardly the sole property of whinging creatives, but few would be resignation wavers have quite so much encouragement.
If you’re going to quit, do it well. With style, panache and single-minded bloodiness. Better still do it for a reward. The International YoungGuns Award’s call-for-entries “Quit in Style” campaign – a collaboration between Droga5 and a group of filmmakers and graphic artists from around the world, features its own site, www.quitinstyle.com.

It’s a chance to become instantly infamous in adland. Think up the perfect resignation scenario, film it and post it. The category requires creatives to submit work they’ve created specifically around the ‘Quit in Style’ theme, and is open to anyone with an axe to grind against their employers.

The project was overseen and directed by Droga5 Sydney’s Creative Heads, Matty Burton and Cameron Blackley, as a launch-pad for young creatives and directors to host their own content. This will ultimately be judged within the newly created “Craft in Quitting" category and will go on to win a specially made Matt Black Bullet at this year’s YGAward.
It’s the first advertising award dedicated solely to rewarding the colourful world of User Generated Content, an area that many assume sits at the forefront of the industry’s future, yet has been largely ignored on the global awards circuit. So far creatives have been posting a wide range of ideas from taking the boss out drinking and photographing him naked and drunk, to decorating his lunchtime sandwich with pubic hair.

As Matty Burton explains, although the tone of the campaign is outrageous, the idea behind it is firmly based in reality: “Some of us are still young enough to remember the lashing we got as juniors coming up through the business. It’s a bit of a rites of passage thing, like army boot camp, but with less sleep and more beatings! Quit in Style is designed to become a sort of secret 'Fight Club' for junior creatives, where they can meet to compare war stories and more importantly ideas of getting one over on their slave master CDs before they move on to the next challenge. It’s basically a tool-box for the underdogs."

It’s all rather entertaining, unless you’re a boss of course, in which case watch your back out there, I’m off to write a letter.

please join in, mr client

Do It Yourself. Just the initials make me shiver. D.I.Y. Tank-tops, sore thumbs and self-collapsing shelves, it’s no place for a grown man. Invariably you’re going to get a half-arsed job covered by that worst of phrases “cheap n cheerful.” Why is it so hard to understand? The reason we have experts is because we need them, desperately.

When you need something building, get a builder, when you need something fixing, get a fixer and when you need something advertising, get an adman, or woman, better still, an agency.

Bad advertising. It fills our lives like corrupt politicians permeating every part of our daily lives, from our breakfast paper to our night time TV it gets everywhere, leaving a bad smell and an evil taste in the mouth.

When I see bad ads I feel cheated. And not just of the wasted revenue. Of the opportunity, “who did this shit?” I shout from behind clenched fists. Who thought it up? Who sold it? And most of all which damned, irresponsible client bought it?
There’s a much trampled cliché that says clients get the advertising they deserve, a phrase which causes rabid scorn amongst clients world over
who believe it’s nothing more than another excuse from adland’s self-justification machine. And they may be right. But it doesn’t negate the truth underlying the cliché, clients get the ads they deserve because they expect too much of advertising.

All too often it’s expected to be some kind of all-soothing panacea, something to cure a company’s ailing balance sheets overnight or somehow fix a tired and lame business plan. If it was that easy our budgets would be soaring through recessions not being sliced as the first sacrifice.

A great failing on the client side is to take the proposed campaign around the office to garner reactions, “The Chairman’s Wife” theory as it’s known is based in the belief that anyone involved in the client company (and their spouses), could and indeed should have a say in the advertising. It’s a crap idea at best, would you let your plumber fix your lights? Or a painter fiddle with your pipes? Why then does the finance director get to comment on the advertising?
Advertising is a critical business tool, one that should only be undertaken by skilled and well-practiced professionals.

How about a bit of respect out there? As a client you hire adland talent because it can offer you expertise that you don’t possess yourself. So please, when your agency has a strong point of view they’re always being protectionist, sometime they’re being right, as you’ll discover if you listen. You hired them to make great ads, they want to make great ads and many of the great campaigns came from the agency “winning the argument.” By all means argue, and don’t for God’s sake always give in, but if you listen to their point of view and consider that they may be right occasionally too you may just form a working relationship that is productive rather than starting a war of attrition.

Take the creative approval process; if as a client you have been involved from the beginning and actively engaged in the creation of the ad then you’ll hopefully be familiar with the intricacies of the brief. This will obviously give you a big vote in the approval or otherwise of the campaign, you also have a responsibility to work with the agency to produce the best work possible. As one of the decision makers you need to make your opinion heard while sitting together with your team; it’s no good nipping off for a third or fourth arse-covering opinion round the water cooler and presenting it as a fait accompli.


There was a time, not in the dim and distant, when a marketing director sat on the main board of most companies, a seasoned professional trusted by the company to call the shots when creating and managing their public image. They had the ear of their fellow board members, so marketing/advertising were on the table as part of the central budget, not some grudge add-on as so often happens now.

On that note, if you happen to be sitting at the big table without a marketing director of your very own you might want to try a radical approach, like trusting your marketing team. More importantly, be willing to approve ads you don’t personally like. This is a real toughie. After all you’re probably a bright senior executive person surrounded by MBA’s and B.Comms and the like, you’re a strong business leader and your opinion is oft sought on matters of import. Which is great, but it doesn’t make you a great judge of ads or of which ads are going to work best for your company’s needs.
To trust the team who work on your image and respect the collective creative judgement of them and the agency requires both humility and self-confidence. Some would say the perfect mix in a far-sighted boss.

Let’s face it, it's hard to approve advertising you don't love.
But if you must say no at least give more of a reason than "I don't like it." That is unactionable feedback, please think through your responses with the care you expect your agency to have lavished on your Brand, and give logical reasons for hating the work.
(I’ve sat in meetings where the client has been adamant he hated pink and wouldn’t have it in his layouts, only to be gently reminded it was his key corporate colour.)

While you’re at it you might want to stop importing films made in Hispanic or Far Eastern countries where they talk ten to the dozen and expect us to lip-synch a nice South African voice onto it, se..am..les…ly.
Bad synch and hairy Latino blokes flogging fizzy drinks and sundry dairy products just make clients look cheap, like they care so little about local markets they don’t think it’s worth investing in an ad of their own.
Overall the rule is simple, “Don’t buy a dog and try to bark yourself…”
Got to go, there’s a self-build wall unit in the garage with my name on it.

"It takes two, baby."

Since Adam and Eve played snakes and apples the urge to pair off has been a powerful driver. Antony and Cleo, Romeo and Juliet, Abbott and Costello, two have always made a better story than one.

Even in the back-biting arena of adland it’s been that way from the late 40’s when Bill Bernbach opened the doors of DDB bringing with him his idea that writers and art directors should pair up in teams to combine their mighty talents in one office.
And it works. Sometimes you get a stupid partner, which allows you trample their ideas under the force of your intellect and ego, or you get a bright one whose coat tails you can grab at as they speed towards fame and fortune. More often though, especially when the teams have some say in the matter, you get a more equal meeting of minds, if not always personalities.

“Trust me”, the latest sitcom/dram to deal with all that is adland comes ambling out off the US of A. Centering on the relationship between Mason, the art director and Conner, the writer, played by Eric McCormick and Tom Cavanagh, it’s well enough observed to cause more than a few uncomfortable squirms of recognition. Particularly the tension between the pair as they try to come to terms with Mason being promoted to Conner’s boss will bring many a nod of recognition across adland.
Catch a trailer at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JolkpxOR2E

People are always making the analogy between a creative team’s relationship and a marriage. This is of course rubbish. It’s much, much harder to maintain a decent working relationship than a marriage. For a start, you’re stuck mostly in the same room for longer than 9 hours a day, you hear the same stuff, music, client service babble, arguments, and you deal with it as a team, ie: tantrums, sulking, and jubilation. It’s not healthy.
For one thing there really is no place to hide, so you either rant your way through your differences or you crash and burn. And it only takes a few failed partnerships before you get labelled a problem partner. The divorces can be equally as messy however, skeletons tend to come crashing out of cupboards as both sides seek to blame and claim the upper hand, as well as the credit for any decent work that might have been created.
But, surprisingly, some of these teams do stick together, changing agencies, jobs and even countries to add new spice to their lives.

No one gets between a great team, bad blood is leaked behind closed doors and a united front beats back the most ardent of attacks. And great teams create great work. They scoop the fame we all crave and the rewards we all feel we deserve. They also get their names on the doors of agencies.

Duos have always haunted advertising. From Mac man vs PC man with their cutesy little jibes. (all very PC, as it were), and sterile environment.
Boot up a couple of examples at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgzbhEc6VVo

To the sheer brilliance of the Leonard Rossiter and Joan Collins in the classic Cinzano ads (which include the rather fabulous line: “The Aroma wasn’t built in a day.”) LOL at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PirMZGL-0mQ&NR=1

One of the worst things that a creative team can find on their desk is a brief that comes complete with its own built in salesman, or worse, men. You have to spend half your day trying to shoe-horn some new, pithy and supposedly humorous responses into the mouths of these guys with one eye over your shoulder at the “character intrinsics” which have been built up over years of crushingly bad scripts and careless thinking.
Believe me there is nothing worse than having some humourless planning guy hanging around your office door extolling the benefits of the Brand equity he has built up over the years through a couple of two-dimensional drivel spouting prats which he insists are central to every commercial.

Take the blight of CTM’s now dead and unlamented Bob and Nige with their puerile sexist humour and pathetic asides. I bless the day they were finally laid to rest and hopefully cast into a pit of grout. (I would give you a link to some examples of their sub-human chit chat, but that would just be nasty).

Naturally there are exceptions. If you’re dynamic duo happened to be the couple of actors attached to an old Carling Black Label brief then your luck was definitely in. You could pack your bag and buy that ticket to Cannes to roil in the delights of being up to your derriere in awards when these two guys put your script to the test. Have a look at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVSBtivbUs4 to see how an ad can be well written and crafted but still hold the basic daft humour. (Even the pack shot is a laugh).

Of course for a team to be really effective they need to work seamlessly, to read each other’s minds and even anticipate each other’s actions and reactions. This takes a bit of time to get right but can pay great dividends if achieved properly. Take those old gag men The Two Ronnies, in their most famous sketch, “Fork Handles,” they balance each others frustration perfectly as the tension between them builds. It may be old but it’s gold:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saP127nVfSk

To prove that teamwork is alive and kicking I’d like to thank my own art director for suggesting the topic for this week’s column.
But then she’s full of good ideas.

"Can You hear me...Mother?"

Looking out of the plastic curtain that surrounds the Brazen Head’s drinking arena a guy catches my eye and smiles uncertainly. He’s neither old nor young, just beaten up by life. He ambles over holding up a paint roller and a sign that says, “SID THE PAYNTER, ALL TIPES OF WORK.” It’s bright yellow on cardboard, with lots of drips and splodges. Even though you know it’s probably not representative of his window-frame and corner work, nor his Dado-rail filigree finesse, it does rather give one pause for thought.

So often, it seems, we undersell ourselves. The career changing interview where we forget our most famous triumphs, the babbled list of achievements to the prospective father-in-law, or the poorly remembered raison d’etre behind a wild, but possibly highly successful, campaign.
Let’s face it, most of us are crap at selling ourselves.

When broadcasting companies chose to advertise themselves they often start with the misguided idea that they know the medium because they are intrinsically involved in it. Luckily there are a few enlightened guys out there, like Shizuoka Broadcasting who turned to Dentsu Advertising for their self-promotional commercials the best of which is situated in a Sumo locker room.
Two body builders are talking after a competition, one is looking very dejected, the other is trying to talk him around. As they talk they start to flex their torsos.
1st guy: “Don’t be disappointed,
…you’ll win next time.
Well, I saw on TV…
Capybara also goes to Spa…”
(Here we cut to a shot of said super-rodent climbing into a pool of water)
2nd Guy: “I saw it too…”
1st Guy: “Isn’t he cute?”
2nd Guy: “I love him.”
1st Guy: “Very cute.”
Super up endline: “Very helpful programmes. Shizuoka Broadcasting”
Catch this inscrutable offering at: http://www.theinspirationroom.com/categories.html#category=latest&keywords=&id=2682
A nice cheap ad with a bit of a laugh in it, it’s one of a series of excellent little ideas that sell the whole that is Shizuoka Broadcasting.

It’s also about as far away as you can get from something that stars; Lou Reed, Bono, Skye Edwards (from Morcheeba), David Bowie, Suzanne Vega, Elton John, Sir Andrew Davis, Boyzone, Lesley Garrett, Lou Reed, Burning Spear, Bono, Sir Thomas Allen, Brodsky Quartet, Heather Small (from M People), Emmylou Harris, Tammy Wynette, Shane McGowan, Sheona White (tenor horn player), Dr. John, Robert Cray, Huey (from Fun Lovin' Criminals), Ian Broudie (from The Lightning Seeds), Gabrielle, Evan Dando (from The Lemonheads), Emmylou Harris, Courtney Pine (soprano saxophone player), BBC Symphony Orchestra, Sir Andrew Davis, Brett Anderson from Suede), Visual Ministry Choir, Joan Armatrading, Laurie Anderson, and even that Welsh warbler, Tom Jones.

The BBC accosted this rather curious cross section of performers to appear in their commercial punting their music programmes and reminding the great British public that their licence fee is being well spent.
Between them they sing, play and talk their way through what is certainly the best rendition of Lou Reed’s “Perfect Day” since his original on the perilously old “Transformer” album. It’s all rather magical and makes me fancy a nice cup of tea and a digestive biscuit or two. Be charmed at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXgRepmpmYI&feature=PlayList&p=07D36B8F5657A196&playnext=1&index=1

Closer to home the DStv Fire station Pole dancing Commercial, part of the
“Guess who’s been watching DSTV?” campaign is a rare delight. If you haven’t seen it, a fireman sweeping floor, checks he’s alone then performs his own private pole dance show before getting a deserving kick in the bollocks from his mates sliding down the pole.
It’s as good as the History channel ad where the little girl builds the sphinx in the sand-pit and far better than the irksome girl-child receiving the award with a predictably long thank you speech. Slide over and catch the show at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UGpMNqHXvI


It’s not only the mighty TV companies that need a little awareness raising.
The memorable campaign for Radio Scotland, created by Scottish agency Mightysmall, (nee 1576), is a dazzling display of what can be done with a small budget and a willing client.

To quote their own website, from I suspect the ever erudite pen of Adrian Jeffery, “When you watch TV, 70% of what you remember is visual and 30% audio. So how do you create a TV campaign for a radio station and make the viewer remember what they hear? What we did was to source real, emotive audio from the Radio Scotland archives. Then commission the world's best typographers to use that audio as their brief for the visuals, so, the words became the pictures.”

If it sounds ambitious check out the final ads, I think they’re excellent and deliver brilliantly on the promise, as did every awards jury in the world making them the most awarded ads in Scotland’s flamboyant history, (including 2 D&AD Silvers and 8 nominations). Tune into them at:
http://www.mightysmall.co.uk/work
Flirting with the concept of self-publicity, of late, I’ve come to realise it isn’t only a tough game for corporations.
Have you ever sat in a bar and looked up to find yourself making eye contact with a total stranger? And enjoyed it?
Wandering through the ultimate in putting yourself out there horrors, the colourful world of on-line dating, I dropped in on my current favourite http://www.eyegazingparties.com/ created by a spooky if oddly engaging guy called Michael Ellsberg.

Eye-gazing, which has taken off like snogging at a teenage party, has become New York’s hottest dating trend. Similar to speed dating but different in one fundamental respect, there’s no speaking permitted.
As Ellsberg himself puts it, “After a fun mini-lesson in the art of eye contact, the group splits into pairs, and each pair spends two minutes looking into each other's eyes, silently, just soaking in each other's essence through the windows to their soul.” Interesting, if a tad 60’s San Francisco.

These sessions are perfect for the easily tongue-tied, be warned though, most people are very uncomfortable holding eye contact for any length of time. I tried it on young Emily in the office only to be greeted by the cry of “Freak,” the flash of a dodgy tattoo and a certain stony silence around the percolator.
Next time I’ll just try it in the mirror, at least I know what reaction I’ll get.

Putting It Out There...

“All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players,” mutters young Bill into the depths of his Jurgemeister bomb as the S.A. Irish Pipes & Drums band blast past the bar window.

“Dinkum.” agrees my art director, smiling approvingly at him as she slams her fifth tequila down and looks decidedly unfocused in her Ladytron
t-shirt.

There’s no point in putting yourself centre-stage if no one’s going to notice you. Back in the dim and distant, London ad agency FCO created what was widely regarded as the first, or at least the first great, 3D outdoor poster campaign for Araldite glue. The series began with a real Ford Cortina (shows its age) stuck to poster sites around Britain with the understated headline: “Also sticks handles to tea-pots.” The second had two cars with the line “The suspense continues.” And the third had gaping holes in the posters where the cars had been and the line “How did we pull it off?”
Through the mists of time it all sounds a bit parochial but it was the first inventive use of outdoor posters and creamed the awards worldwide, -check out old D&AD annuals to see them, - and was the first advertising ever referred to in a positive light in Pravda. (Well, except for a few million Stalinist posters maybe).

Back in the here and now, adland still tries continually to find that single cut-through idea that will hold the public’s attention long enough to flog them a perfume, a loaf of bread or a dead horse. Or a Chevrolet Aveo.
In London a poster went up made entirely of pennies to launch this value for money car. Purposely located at street height the pennies, nearly 20 000 in all, were fairly quickly removed by passing pedestrians of all shapes and ages, revealing the little getabout. It was good gimmick and was rewarded with hundreds of column inches in the press and news stories across the electronic media. Worth its weight in copper you might say.
This being the 21st century you can watch the ad be picked to pieces at;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juIpvn9nuuM

An even more rewarding poster was unveiled in Sydney where 10 000
$1 scratch cards, (scratchies to our wallaby worrying cousins), were fixed to a specially built 12m by 3m billboard. In a winner takes all competition to find the Best Outdoor Ad in Australia someone could walk away with significantly more than $10 000 with each card being a potential $20 000 winner. Some sad bugger has worked out that it will take 20 days to scratch them all at one a minute for 8 hours a day, that’s a bit of Repetitive Strain Injury that might be worth risking.

In adland, a world where gorillas play drums for chocolate and millions of coloured balls bounce merrily untethered through city streets, it’s hard to stand out from the madding crowd.
Sometimes you even have to create your own stage to get your message out there. In 2006 for Folgers Coffee Saatchi & Saatchi turned the manhole covers on New York streets Into steaming coffee cups with stunning street drawings. Drink them in at:
http://www.therawfeed.com/2006/04/nyc-manholes-turned-into-coffee-for.html

Taking the painting theme a tad further, for the World Cup in the same year, as part of their worldwide “Impossible is nothing” campaign, Adidas created a huge fresco in Cologne’s train station.
Commissioned by TBWA Germany, the 40 meters long and 20 meters wide piece shows 10 football icons exactly how millions of enthusiastic football fans around the world see them. As Gods.
Created by Hamburg-based illustrator Felix Reidenbach, (who in a creepy nod to its biblical origin took 40 days to finish), it contains a veritable pantheon of players including Michael Ballack, David Beckham, Zinadine Zidane, Kaka, Nakamura, Lukas Podolski, Lionel Messi, Juan Roman Riquelme and Djibril Cisse. Cross over to:
http://www.frederiksamuel.com/blog/2006/06/adidas-fresco.html
to see it in all its glory.

The same agency, the same client and the same campaign.
A billboard placed over a bridge construction site on the way to the Munich airport, featured a magnificent, stretching dive by the German goalkeeper, Oliver Kahn. As powerful as it was dramatic it branded the whole city as the centre of world football and made the creative team of
Stefan Schmidt, Kurt Georg Dieckert and Boris Schwiedrzik the toast of the town. Catch it at: http://advertisingforpeanuts.blogspot.com/2006/05/adidas-bridge.html

It used to be that only irritating fiancés wrote stuff in the sky where, luckily for all concerned, they soon dissipated back into the ether. Nowadays, however, even the skies aren’t safe from adland adages.
Honda’s Skydiver commercial takes place, well, in the sky. A sky near you perhaps. Anyway a bunch of people throw themselves rather recklessly out of a couple of large airplanes. The pilot informs them, and us, “Remember gentlemen, difficult is worth doing.” Then, in that rather self-conscious manner of all skydivers, they all join hands in little groups. (Is it only me that thinks jumping out of planes is supposed to be a way to get away from throngs of people?). They form into something that might or might not be a recognisable shape; more people leap out of other aircraft and make more indecipherable symbols.
Eventually they line up in a sort of pyramid shape and we can read the name Accord floating rather pointlessly across the sky and the endline says “The Power of Dreams. “ I can’t help thinking that this is a pretty crap dream, to say nothing of a dull ad, judge for yourself at:
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1503371/honda_accord_skydiver_commercial/

I mention this to the guys around the bar as the S.A, Irish Pipe Band swirl and squirl around us, one of the lead pipers has collapsed in a drunken blur his pipes quietly deflating with him. “We have a piper down…” shouts the lead pipe bloke echoing perfectly Mike Myers in the wedding scene from “So I married an axe murderer,” a classic pre-Austin Powers moment. See what I mean at: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7564788953512686636

As Mr Shakespeare might have put it, “That ends this strange eventful history,”
Exit stage left, pursued by bear.

Turn on, Tune in, Drop out...

It’s been a week of ups, downs, drunken mistakes and sober pleasures. A mix of ridiculous happiness and soulful sorrows, turn-ons, turn-ups and finally, turn-offs.

Billed as “The Huge Turn Off” the commercial; starts with Alanis Morrisette sitting on a huge leather airplane seat clipping her toe nails as she explains about Earth Hour, a time when we can all turn off our lights for an hour and by doing so we will put pressure on all those nasty none green companies. Maybe it’s just me but there seems to be some kind of disconnect here. Are they supposed to be so impressed by a show of mass power, excuse the pun, that they will immediately stop doing bad things to the environment? Maybe all those years of marching up and down roads waving CND banners has made me a tad cynical about the power of the people. Anyway, it’s a pleasant enough spot for the WWF by Leo Burnett, switch onto it at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rl6jf-pT-dM before everyone switches off, tonight.

A much bigger turn off for those of us who enjoy nothing better than suspicious cow parts squeezed between two skanky bits of bun is the new ad for Arby’s. In a bid to find a new way to mess up the good old burger Arby’s have created the new roast burger, never fried, never greasy. The burger done better. (done better than the grammer did anyway).
To celebrate this devastating invention the ad agency, Fletcher Martin, commissioned artist Phil Hansen to demonstrate how greasy other burgers are by drawing with the them on greaseproof paper. In what is described as a “trans fat on paper masterpiece” he recreates the Mona Lisa, or Mona Greasa as some wag has named it. It’s amusing in a children playing with food kind of way and just tasteless enough to make you watch it. Get a mouthful at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITPQMOt7z10
Or better still visit their own website and win a delicious roasted Arby burger, although you’ll probably have to pay for postage and someone att the post office will most likely eat it, which will serve them right. http://www.burgergreaseart.com/

Leaving a much more dubious taste in the mouth is the new Ford commercial from JWT Sydney. It’s a corporate ad, which means it’s not selling you a product, it’s selling you a company ethos. Exactly. It’s one of those ads that ramble on about soul searching, making nebulous analogies to the freedom of the road and the freedom of travelling around in a 16 tonnes of metal at high speeds. This one is particularly tasteless as it employs Writer fallback position 3, or when you’re stuck without an idea nick a famous song or film track or, as here, a well-known poem. Robert Frost’s “The Road Not Taken,” one of the most hippy-abused pieces of nonsense since “Desiderata” is read over a series of shots of some young bloke wandering roads and doing crappy macho work on boats and interfering with sheep. It’s all very idyllic and has bugger all to do with cars, still you can get a glimpse of it at
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYQc6tYVTaM


Or, to add a dash of Culture to your life you can see the tiresome old git read it himself at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yG24ohpacDk
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference….”
It’s hypnotic, if you can stay awake.

Staying awake through the latest Nike commercial is no problem if you’re a fan of Eva Longoria, Sofia Boutella, Fernando Torres, Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Rodger Federer.
In an attempt to reinvigorate the eternal battle of the sexes Nike have launched a “Men vs Women” challenge. If the ad is anything to go by it’s all about running up and down pavements and being a general pain in the arse, or being a jogger as it’s known. (Why is it that the Walk/Run for life people have to move 3 or 4 abreast down our roads? And what’s with the obliue slash thing? Do they change their minds as they go, “Do I run or walk…?”.) Famous people are seen running up and down pavements in that mildly competitive way that Americans are cultivating.
Run the ad down at:: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_W1sP344NM
It comes with a rather pleasant racy track by Mr Gnarls Barkley.


Some young guys are chatting outside of an office. An older guy appears, obviously the boss, and calls one of them over.
“Kevin, can we go for a coffee…”
As the horror of the phrase sinks in we cut to a montage of set ups over a coffee as the boss declares:
“You’re fired…
I love you, I’ve said it,
We need to fake your death
(He strokes his face singing softy),
You have a wonderful body. I’ve made a sculpture of you…
You’ll be based in North Korea.”
Kevin comes to his senses and, to avoid such caffeine driven nonsense suggests:
“Why don’t we go grab a Dare iced coffee.”
Super up line: “The coffee moment, without the moment.”
It’s beautifully paced and funny without being sentimental, just what you’d expect from Mr Warren Brown and his team of strangeness at BMF Sydney. Take a hit at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivzyCgj6j88

Imagine you’re a mini-cam and you’ve fallen into the hands of a Dutch creative team at Grey Amsterdam just as they’re confronted by a TV brief for Lactacyd, pH balance products for intimate feminine hygiene. The results are fairly predictable, but no less bizarre. A day in the life of a lady is seen from what could be described as “a tampon’s eye view,” it’s 30 seconds of film you may not want to watch too often. Catch an eyeful at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uO-qR8-HtY
It’s a tad unnerving for a chap, and for a chappette too as my art director proves, muttering knowingly about “gritty realism” while hiding her tousled blond hair behind her blood red nails.
Time to turn off the brain.

art for heart's sake

“A belief in creativity for the sake of creativity is a necessary condition for the success of creative companies,” says Gordon Torr in his excellent “Managing Creative People.” (Wiley Press),

Diesel, the purveyor of all things cool, trendy and grungy, have long believed this. You can see it in the post-eighties, industrial broken-downess of every store, it positively drips from every edgy company press release and, of course, runs riot across their advertising.
The latest offering Farfar, their Stockholm agency, is rather bluntly called “Hairbath,” it comes in three episodes and involves, well, a bath full of hair and a voluptuous young thing writhing in the huirsuit clippings sent to her by admirers. It’s very creative. You can tell because it’s shot black and white by someone called “Legs” of production company “Legs” of New York. I have no idea what to make of it all. It is as beautiful as the model is. However, by donning the hair-shirt of “creative for creative’s sake” it rather confuses the any advertising message, unless it’s saying, “our clothes feel hairy.” Slip into at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqflNCQmHi4 episode 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1VBsbHMxhg&feature=related
episode 2
and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipD0iUqDrgM&feature=related
episode 3.

Some time in the 60’s the Kinsey report declared that we think of sex 40 times a minute or some such nonsense. The latest two commercials from Durex, the creators of rubber barriers, certainlty show that when given the chance adland’s creative forces can certainly bend their talents in that direction.
From McCann Madrid we get a film where our horny Spanish cousins can’t seem to stop themselves thinking of a bit of afternoon rumpy pumpy. They see jack hammers pounding and think, “time for a shag,” or cups vibrating on tables and go, “well, time for a shag,” and….
It’s all rather amusing but a tad old-fashioned looking. Get a look at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXIZUUKFXZk
In Altanta they have squeaky clean sex.
Two balloon rabbits made from different coloured condoms approach each other cautiously, sniff each others behinds, as you do, and then, erm, get it on. In a frenzy of rubberised squeaks they shag in various positions until a third bunny joins in. It’s very funny and nicely produced and might even sell a few life-saving contraceptives. Have a laugh at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4cgqiolkkE

Creativity for its own sake is in show in Brazil, where Almap BBDO have decided that what every VW drive needs is a pet, in this case one that’s half dog, half fish. It frolics in the waves, gets chased by cats and caught by fishermen in nets. Actually it seems that owning one would generally be a pain in the arse, maybe that’s the subliminal message, the new VW ……. Is going to give you sleepless nights. Anyway, the ad is funny and nicely achieved and was probably a good laugh to put together. What else can you ask from your job? Reel it in at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9g2Fex04Ic

Animation has come a long way since Donald quacked his first spluttering hello. In the hands of talented creatives it can make a whole world of Pixar driven wonder and create more magical dreamscapes than otherwise possible with real life filming. In the hands of JWT Paris it can create pointless drivel. Their “Fight for Kisses” spot for Wilkinson Sword uses that annoying type of 3-D imaging that is neither reality nor fictional, the smooth skinned androids with too big eyes, too smooth movements and a decidedly spooky demeanour. It’s long and dull and it’s a technique disguised once again as an idea. Bore yourself stupid at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kOJ6d4LdXM

The Guggenheim in Bilbao is crammed with proper Art of the modern variety. The agency realised that many people are dubious about the integrity of anything that isn’t a lovely bowl of fruit or a half-naked woman lounging around a picnic area. The commercial opens on a security guard making his way through the collection to his allotted space. As he walks he mutters to himself.
“259,200 minutes guarding this…”
He reaches his exhibit and we see Dali’s “Lobster telephone.”
“…a telephone with a giant prawn on top… who would ever steal something like that? Sure I could make that!... or a gas bottle with a bra…or an anchovy wearing a tux at a computer… that’s it, I’m a genius, it’s no joke. But how would I face my workmates?”
He bends to look closely at the Lobster telephone and muses, “Does this thing ring, or clack, clack?”
Super up line “Guggenheim Surrealist stuff. Dreamers welcome.”
It’s a nice piece with just enough irreverence to highlight the genius of the artists rather than pour scorn on the exhibit.
The thing about giving creatives their head, as it were, is that while most of us are calm, grown up types who dream of Volvos and weekends with family, some of us are altogether different animals.
The guys from McCann Singapore are obviously not to be messed with, their ad for X-Box entitled “Hunting Season” is an odd number. Two red necks go hunting in the woods for deer, they chase droppings and finally track down… a sheep. They build a fire and toast marshmallows on twigs, then, fool about using twigs as antlers to act as deer, until one of them is shot in the backside. It’s ok. Not great, and definitely not as ground-breaking as other X-box work. Actually to be brutally truthful, it’s a waste of a decent brief and a client who loves challenging work. Track it down at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StOJr2k5Y-U

In the Brazen Head the other night things were a tad hectic, the air heavy with sarcasm, stern words were exchanged over a pint of Pilsner or three. The Heineken promotion is in full swing, showcasing the German grasp of creativity fully there are lanyards, and bottle openers and bags and dog tags and rather oddly, flip flops.
My art director is flopping around in them, flips flops the size of the Bismarck with the Brand name imprinted on the soles, it’s funny what a few bottles of bubbly will bring out in a girl, but that’s what happens when you release the creative spirit.